Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
