so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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