The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
