she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
