just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
