Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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