I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I have post one night stand depression
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
