I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
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we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
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I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Let's get the cat blown out
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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