I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool