Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
