Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.

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(636): View more from Missouri

Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.

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(956): View more from Texas

around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...

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(330): View more from Ohio

Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(847): View more from Illinois

stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever

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(308): View more from Nebraska

I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."

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