I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
