if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
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I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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