no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
