OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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