So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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