you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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