I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Naked. naked and bneed help.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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