I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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