i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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