He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
