Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
