In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
