4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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