Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
