Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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