Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
