went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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