Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
