What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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