That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We need to rekindle our bromance
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
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