weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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