I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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