We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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