I will die if light touches me.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
