she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
