i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
