I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
