I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
