glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
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That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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