So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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