It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
