I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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