Even the bartender felt bad for me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
