I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
