dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
one might say we're banned from that church
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
