Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i dont even know how to be here
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
