apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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