Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
