Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
