Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
