Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
