its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.