my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.