I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.