Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize