Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
