you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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