Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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