dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
