Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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