Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
