You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
