U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
