I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
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I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
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I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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