Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
