You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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