my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
