It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
