im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i wish my penis had a tongue
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
