u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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