I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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