I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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