I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
