I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
